Psalms 77-79

Psalms 77-79 - Click here to read the passage.

My life for the first 50 years was fantastic! Throughout junior high and high school I had won multiple awards in sports, I was an "A" student, and was selected into the National Honor Society. By age 30, I had spoken to literally hundreds of thousands of people in churches, school assemblies, and various organizations all over the United States. I was the host of the Youth For Christ radio broadcast in Kansas City, hosted numerous television programs on Kansas City's TV50, and was in demand as a speaker. By the time I was 36, I was pastoring a fast growing church and finished my Master's Degree and wrote my first book.  Throughout my forties, life was good. I was speaking in management conferences all over the country training the leaders of more than 2000 companies nationwide - incuding such giants as Sprint, AT&T, Nortel, Wal-Mart, Delta Dental, URS Engineering, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture. I had also finished my second book and earned a Ph.D. in Counseling. Couched in all of these blessings was the incredible fact that I was married to my dream girl and enjoyed three awesome children. Life could NOT have been better.

However, by age 51, the unthinkable happened. When I say unthinkable I'm saying, "I never believed this would happen to me!" My marriage of 25 years abruptly fell apart. To add pain to misery, the IRS said my taxes were wrong and I owed them a whopping amount of money. And, if that wasn't enough, my granddaughter almost died, my father was sent to prison on a bogus charge and my precious daughter faced uncertain challenges that left me ( and my former spouse) taking care of her two daughters for three years. Believe it or not, all of this happened within an 18-month time frame. The only thing that continuously ran through my mind like a broken record was "What happened?"

In reading Psalms 77, I feel like I somewhat understand much of what David was going through. He was very accomplished with God blessing him at every turn until one day it seemed like the faucet of God's blessings had dried up. Like David I fasted, prayed and missed a lot of sleep - often asking God "Why?." I found no answers. There was a deafening quietness. Somehow I could no longer hear God's precious voice.  I felt cut off from His presence. I couldn't feel Him or find Him. I was miserable and lonely with depression settling in like a dense fog over a lake. It's was the most horrible feeling in the world.

Similar to what David mentions in this chapter, I felt like the good old days were finally over. I felt forgotten and that somehow I had fallen out from under His loving grace and His wonderful favor.  My mind was gripped with the agonizing thought, "God is finished with me." I often reflected on the days where God would mightily use me as His mighty vessel. But, now, that seemed over. I grappled with understanding anything about my long-term purpose. Am I done. Is God through with me. Did I serve God in my time and now that time was over.

Even while feeling this way, I never lost sight of God's short-term plans - to glorify Him in all I do and allow His Holy Spirit to work in my and through me. But, a vision from God and the feeling of his presence tragically eluded me. I could no longer see or feel passion, drive, or a sense of God-designed direction. These issues were foreign to me now. I was lost - on an uncharted island in the south Pacific.

Nine years has passed since those events. Now, at the age of 60, I wish I had a "rags to riches" or "misery to ministry" story to tell you. But, I don't. I still struggle. Yet, things are getting better year by year. I'm a slow healer. Outside of a few dates, and a few speaking engagements, I still struggle with loneliness and depression. I'm committed to making my life one that glorifies the Master in whatever way I can, but to see God work in my life like He used to is still a big question mark in the back of my mind.

Every once in a while, when I get past my pity party, I can, however, begin to see God's favor slowly coming back into my life. In fact, I'm not sure I ever lost it. It's just feels like I lost it. When God's plan became totally opposite of my plans, I assumed His favor had left me. Today, I believe that's a normal response, and an inaccurate assessment of reality.  In fact, during this "desert time" I was surprised to see that my preaching appeared to be more anointed than ever. To say that I lost God's favor and that He rejected me, is a lie from the father of lies. And I believed it. He suckered me in like a baited worm on an experienced fisherman's hook.

Today, I know better. Time does heal wounds. And God has never loved me any less at any time. I learned my feelings often betray me from the truth.  Sometimes it just feels good to just feel bad, rather than to face the truth. But, sadly, in the end we only deceive ourselves.

Again like David, as I was reminded of the stories of the bible and of God's goodness even in the troubled times, my sense of meaning started to come back. In Psalms 78, David recounts the wonderful acts of God and tells of the tragedies of God's people. But, in the end, He is encouraged by the fact that God never leaves us or forsakes us.

If you feel forsaken by God. Trust me, you're not.  It's a lie. Nothing more. Nothing less. He hasn't forgotten you. He's in love with you more than you can imagine or even feel at this moment. Who will you believe? Satan uses our circumstances to discredit God, and he often succeeds. He knows the weaknesses of man. But don't fall for it. Choose to remain steadfast, unmovable, and always abounding in the Lord - 1 Corinthians 15:58

What do you think?  Any thoughts you'd like to add?  Any recommendations or words of encouragement to those who are going through tough times?